She's JV to your varsity
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
