just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
