I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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