guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you had me at cake vodka
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
