Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
