We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
