apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
