I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I see more hoeing in ur future
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