I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
