My Higher Power is John Stamos
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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