Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
