a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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