Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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