Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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