I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
