Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
