fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
