I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
