on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
