You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
