I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
