I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize