I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
