Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
