You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
