He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
