So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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