How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
