I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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