i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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