time to smoke my breakfast
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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