did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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