Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Is it penis luge time yet?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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