I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
