OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
