I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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