At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
