It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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