I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
