I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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