Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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