i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My life is pants optional.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
