Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
