If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
