Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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