I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
