I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
