Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
