Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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