just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
