Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
