end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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