I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
