so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
