I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
