we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize