if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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