i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
