Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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