i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
