My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
