He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
