You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
