grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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