they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
