Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Enjoy the penises
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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