My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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