im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
