Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize